


It’s Ok I Wouldn’t Remember Me Either

by edgeofjvpiter



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: /rp dream do be an asshole tho, Angst, Depression, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, no beta we die like men, two shot? who knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28008651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgeofjvpiter/pseuds/edgeofjvpiter
Summary: The Nether is a place that terrifies him, but Tommy always seems to go back. Even when he loses all of his gear in lava, he feels a pull to return to the sweltering heat. He tries to tell himself that it's the change of scenery, but he knows it's a lie.Tommy changes a lot in exile.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 13
Kudos: 343





	It’s Ok I Wouldn’t Remember Me Either

**Author's Note:**

> **heyo, make sure you read the tags and know what you’re getting into!!!** anyways it's been a few years since i’ve written properly so im a little rusty. the title is based on the song of the same name by crywank.

Tommy realized that recently, it seemed, the days had started to blur together.

He knows because as he lays in his bed at night, staring at the endless white of the tent, time slips away, and he feels like he has superpowers when he blinks and suddenly he can see the sun. It happens so often that sometimes Tommy forgets where he is.

_Help me, I'm lost. This isn't L'Manburg. Where am I?_

It was difficult to come back, in the beginning. Now he can feel the cool iron of the compass clutched in his hand and the memories return to flood his brain. When Tommy can see the orange of the sunrise, he scrambles to store _Your Tubbo_ back into his ender chest, his heart thumping wildly with adrenaline. 

It's a risk to hold onto the item when he's gone in his head. He takes it anyways, because he would never admit it before, but the whirring of the compass helps him forget he's scared of the dark.

* * *

He may be able to slip away at night, but morning is no better. 

Usually he has a plan set for himself so he doesn't just lie motionless in his tent, forgetting where he is. He'll light up the land with torches, or collect wood for tools. it's tedious and annoying, and Tommy wishes he could just steal shit like he used to. 

That's when Dream began visiting.

The mask was always smiling, but Tommy knew there was one underneath it, too. _Hey Tommy. Good to see you. Take off your armor for me, will you?_

_Fuck you,_ he'd scream. 

_C'mon, Tommy,_ Dream would say. _I don't_ _want to kill you either, you know._

It was hard the first couple times, but Tommy had started to understand that it was easier to just listen.

* * *

He starts hallucinating.

He remembers thinking he saw Tubbo emerge from the nether portal, holding his own compass, with little horns sticking out of his hair. Tommy stared at him for so long, watching his face fill with recognition as his eyebrows crinkled with an expression he couldn't identify. When he immediately disappeared back through the purple, Tommy rubbed his eyes so hard he probably could've made them burst.

_Dream,_ he asked, _Did you see Tubbo just then?_

The man had paused as he turned toward him, his mask smiling.

_No. I didn't see him._

Tommy laughed. _Yeah, that makes more sense._

* * *

The day of his party, Tommy cries for the first time since he was exiled. Dream watches him silently as he throws the cake into the sand, ruining it before he can take a bite. He can feel hot tears run down his cheeks when he does it, trying not to look at the person who was supposed to be his worst enemy.

"Why?" he cries, "Why didn't anyone come?"

Dream stares down at the fallen cake with something akin to disappointment before he looks back up at Tommy. "Oh. I thought everyone who was invited would've..." A pause. "Tubbo even got his in person."

He stills. "What?"

"Yeah, Wilbur gave Tubbo his invite. He said he would come. Actually, he said he was so excited to see you."

The realization hits him like a truck. How could he have been so fucking stupid. "They don't care about me."

If Dream has any emotion, he doesn't seem to show it. "I'm sure that's not true, Tommy–"

"No!" he yells, suddenly full of red-hot rage that boils over into his voice, "if they cared they would have come to see me! Even before this they could have come to see me!" His fists clenched, he laughs bitterly.

Silence.

"Dream, can I borrow your pickaxe?"

* * *

When the bridge to Logstedshire is mangled and broken, Tommy is exhausted. He's all out of tears and he has a headache that vibrates around in his skull. It's pouring rain outside and he feels so damn cold. He wants to be left alone, but for some reason, he can't muster up the courage to tell Dream to leave like he used to.

He was the only one that showed up. Dream _ran late_ and he still showed up.

"Here, Tommy," Dream is suddenly at his side, thrusting a trident towards him.

Tommy sputters in confusion, almost dropping the weapon before clutching onto it with both of his hands. "Dream? What-?"

The man smiles, or at least Tommy thinks he does. "I thought you could use some fun. It's raining! you can throw it and it'll take you up with it. It's kind of like flying."

Speechless, he looks at the trident shine in the downpour. Dream watches him as he launches the trident into the air, as he flings himself so high into the sky that his heart feels like it's going to explode. His throat begins to beg for air that doesn't exist, and for a moment he just feels weightless and free and _right_.

And even when Tommy starts to fall, his only thought is that this is the closest he'll ever get to the stars.

* * *

The Nether is a place that terrifies him, but Tommy always seems to go back. Even when he loses all of his gear in lava, he feels a pull to return to the sweltering heat. He tries to tell himself that it's the change of scenery, but he knows it's a lie.

At first he would peek over the edge, then he would dangle his feet as he sat. Now he balances on his heels, only slightly wobbling when he leans over to stare into the lava below.

He made his visits into a schedule. He couldn't do it in the mornings. Dream would show up to hang out with him, and he didn't want to worry his friend. He needed to keep it a secret, so every couple of nights he would sneak away from his bed to go to the nether. No one visited him anyways, so no one knew, and Tommy liked it that way. He liked to think alone.

"It's almost Christmas," he said aloud to no one, the heat rising from beneath him beginning to make him sweat, "maybe Dream will let me visit L'Manburg."

_Fucking idiot. Why would you think they want you there?_

The voice made Tommy's jaw clench. "We don't know that."

_It's plenty obvious they don't care about you. They made it pretty clear when they left you to rot by yourself._

He shook his head. "You're wrong."

The voice seethed. _You're in denial! You know no one fucking cares. Tubbo didn't even come to visit you after he_ exiled _you. Did you forget that?_

"Shut up."

_Tubbo exiled you, and then they left you. They didn't even try. They even lost_ Your Tommy _._

"Shut up! What do you want from me?!" He screamed, his voice hoarse.

_You know what we want._

Tommy stared down at the lava. He took a step.

"Tommy?"

He froze. 

"Tommy," Dream said carefully, "step away from the edge."

He obeys him almost instantly, turning back around to risk one more glance before shakily walking towards Dream. _Fuck_. He wasn't supposed to find him out here.

He tries to play it off as he laughs, "H-hey Big D–"

"Tommy, enough."

He flinches back. _Fuck_.

He can feel his throat begin to close rapidly, constricting him as he tries to breathe like a normal person who just didn't try to fucking kill themselves. He can't bring himself to look up. He can't breathe.

"Tomm– No, hey," Dream touches him very lightly on the arm, almost gentle. "It's okay Tommy, don't cry."

He didn't know when he started, but there's fat tears rolling down his face. He sniffles loudly as his whole body begins to shake. "I'm– s-sorry, Dream," he says instinctively, "I'm sorry, I–"

The man cuts him off, "Come here," and he pulls the younger boy into a hug.

Being pulled into Dream's arms suddenly makes him choke on a sob as his crying gets louder, and he's sure he looks disgusting right now. Even though he's taller, he feels so small in his embrace. 

Tommy forgets the last time he was hugged, or even touched. 

"I was worried, Tommy."

He sniffled. "Really?"

Dream laughed. "Of course, idiot. I'm your friend, aren't I?"

Burying his face into his chest, Tommy squeezes harder. "I know. How did you–?"

"Find you?" The blonde said, patting his head gently, "I just had a feeling. I knew you were off and I had to come see you. That's what true friends are for, right?"

Tommy nodded into his hoodie in response. The pair stayed that way until his crying began to cease, and he pulled away, wiping his eyes with his palms.

"Okay," he said, "I'm ready to go back."

"Alright, but," Dream paused, fishing for something in his pocket and handing it over to him. "You dropped this by your tent. I thought you would want it back."

Carefully, Tommy took the item from the man's hands. His face fell.

_Your Tubbo._ It was cracked down the middle, but it still seemed to be pointing towards L'Manburg.

"I forgot to say, it's a little busted. I'm sorry are you–?"

"No, I," Both of Tommy's hands clenched around the compass. "...I don't care."

"Tommy–"

_They made it pretty clear when they left you to rot by yourself_ , the voice had said. _Not even Tubbo cares about you_.

He doesn't care. He exiled me– he left me _._

_He fucking left me._

An idea filled up his thoughts and his brain, and before he could do anything else he marched over to the ledge, and with all of his strength, hurled the compass into the lava, watching it crack and overload as it melted into nothing.

He felt the tears coming back, but he was too angry to cry. Everything was too much, and nothing felt real.

A touch on his shoulder. Dream. He said nothing as he led him back towards the portal to Logstedshire, patting him on the back comfortingly.

Nothing seemed to feel real. Nothing except Dream. 

Tommy felt like he was slipping away again as he heard the man say, "Hey, maybe you can come visit my part of the SMP."

He immediately perked up, "Really?"

"Of course. We're best friends now, Tommy." Dream seemed to stop and smile at him. "Us against the world?"

Tommy was really tired.

"Yeah, us against the world!"

His energy seemed to start to fade, wobbling as Dream caught him in his arms. "Rest, I got you," and he nodded lazily in response, his eyes drooping as he passed out.

For a few moments, Dream was still, until he lifted Tommy with ease and carried him back to the Nether portal.

Dream grinned from ear to ear. It was almost too easy.

_(Back in L'Manburg, the bloodvines began to pulse.)_

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! might continue this, but if i do i have no idea where it will go. my askfm is jupiterpoggers if you want to request a fic. (might not get to it bc massive writers block but <3) also follow my instagram (edgeofjvpiter) hfkdj. anyways tysm for reading :)
> 
> p.s. if sap saw this no u didnt im beta reading our fic rn idk what you’re talking about /lh


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